I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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