EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We were destined to go to rehab together
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
