"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
