Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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