I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
