the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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