i think i have herpe
just one?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
