Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
