Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
