my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
