that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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