Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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