I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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