Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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