My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
