this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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