yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
