Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
