should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
