Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
