no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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