On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
