i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
