I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
