I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
