so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
