she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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