just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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