That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
