you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
