i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
