There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I want is dick and wine.
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