I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
