So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
