why didn't you poke me back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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