I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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