Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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