why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
