I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
