Your dad touched me again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
