You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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