I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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