Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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