i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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