also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
