i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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