Apparently you make a good broom.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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