is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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