is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
