Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
