just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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