I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
